You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize