32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
