Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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