My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
