Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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