xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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