I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize