this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
