They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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