easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
