Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
