Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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