remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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