Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
