I didn't shave. On purpose
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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