You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will be naked everywhere
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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