Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
