The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
