I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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