I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
