We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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