Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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