Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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