I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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