i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
