Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
