i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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