just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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