So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
