There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
