I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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