wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
