I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
