there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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