Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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