i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
