In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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