shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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