It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
