I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
