i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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