Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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