im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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