she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
