id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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