Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕