it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had sex on a dog bed..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
