Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.