dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus