Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats