The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
