its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
