man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my liver is dry heaving
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
