My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
