my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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