I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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