He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
