Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
