Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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