Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
