Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
