sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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