If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
