But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
