How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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