If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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