I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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