Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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