She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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