gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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