Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
