is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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