pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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