how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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