i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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