is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
