Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
