Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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