Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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