mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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