He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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