I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
